People in recovery can sometimes be their own worst enemies.  For me personally, I became something of an expert at sabotaging my own sobriety.

When I was drinking, I used alcohol to numb or get rid of uncomfortable or negative feelings.  It was the first sign of self-sabotage – it helped me temporarily escape my problems, only to sober up to bigger problems.

I, like many other alcoholics and addicts, tended to attack myself – I told myself that I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t deserve to be happy.  These negative thoughts made me feel helpless and hopeless.  It was easier to give in to these feelings and drink than it was to fight against them.

I knew that in order to maintain my sobriety, I had to replace negative thoughts and behaviours with more positive and accurate self-talk or I would sabotage my recovery.

I now know I cannot grieve over what I have lost because of my addiction.  Wallowing in self-pity is a dangerous game, and it would lead me to be unmotivated in my recovery.  In previous attempts at recovery, I honestly believed I could do it myself – I didn’t need or want anyone’s help.  I realize now that I was embarrassed and insecure about my alcoholism and would allow these feelings to sabotage my sobriety.

I have also learned that isolating doesn’t work, nor is it healthy to allow myself to get bored.

Now, I have new interests and I have rekindled my love of doing crafts, reading, and writing.  I am now in more control of my reactions to everyday stresses and I don’t take on so many tasks that I become overwhelmed.  I do things that need to be done, but at my own pace.

Most important, I am acutely aware of my need to think positively about life, and not let negative thinking cloud my potential future.  I’ve learned not to sabotage all the hard work I have done this year for my recovery.

SC

03Oct 2017

THE START The very start of recovery is Socialization at 12 step meetings. The first part of that is finding a HOME group. In effect finding a section of people that will accept you, warts and all. That is they shake your hand and introduce themselves, I hated that part when they asked if I […]

12Jul 2017

Lead by an experienced Addictions Counsellor, the groups include such discussion topics as: Understanding Relapse (how it happens and how to avoid it) Personality of an Addicted (tolerance, anxiety, grandiosity) Relapse Warning Signs (attitude & behavior changes, H.A.L.T.) Setting Goals for Relapse Prevention The sessions are held every Thursday afternoon at 2:30 p.m. in our […]

12May 2017

I personally hate dealing with conflict! It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and like my skin is crawling. I would rather just ignore it or change everything. I had a very bad outlook on life and thought that people were generally useless stupid and selfish creatures who only cared for themselves. Although I am not […]

12May 2017

Commitments, who needs them? Well as it turns out, to have a successful life everyone does. In my life before recovery I had no problem making commitments to other people and following through with them. I needed people to like me and feel like I was useful and I could only do that through the […]

30Aug 2016
thoughts on gratitude after addiction recovery

Every once in a while, I forget to be grateful for what I have gained this past year in recovery and the people who have given me continued support.  I admit it is still easy for me to focus on the negative instead of the positive. One day this past week, I sat down and […]

04Jul 2016
Finding Happiness

Coming into recovery gives all of us a chance to turn our lives around. It certainly did for me. For a long time, alcohol was the only thing that made me happy or gave me any sense of comfort. Of course, it was only a temporary, fleeting happiness. Once I got sober, I had to […]

27Jun 2016
work hard and stay humble after recovering from addiction

It is very easy for those of us in recovery to forget where we came from – we can sometimes have a very short memory.  We suddenly forget how we started our lives in recovery – and those people who helped us along the way. Some of us can even let our ego make us […]

22Jun 2016
recovery takes time

Thinking back, I realize how easy it was to be on what we in recovery call “the pink cloud”.  This had something of a positive affect – it drove my excitement and confidence in returning to a sober life. I also knew that the enthusiasm I had could be a double-edged sword, because it could […]

10Jun 2016
now vs then after addiction recovery

My journey in recovery began a year ago.  The feelings I had then were ones of despair and depression.  Thankfully, I became convinced that returning to treatment was the only answer.  During this first year, I have had a healthy fear of relapse coupled with a very strong desire to maintain my sobriety.  I have […]